The “nice girl era” is over
I’m done with always being the nice girl.
Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always made myself smaller so I can make those around me more comfortable, more successful, make them feel more important. Well I'm over it. I'm done stroking egos and bending backwards trying to help people. I’m done trying to fit into people's images of me - how I should act, what I should say, what I should do.
Basically, I’m done being the secondary character in my own fucking life. From now on, you get what you give. I’ll pour in, as much as people pour into me.
This might seem like a journal entry but for anyone who is a perpetual people pleaser like me - I see you. It’s fucking exhausting. But I’m here to remind you (and myself) that you don’t have to carry other people's bullshit and burden. Let shit go, and let shit be.
I know this is way easier said than done so, here are some strategies I use when I’m deep into my people-pleasing tendencies:
Connect with yourself. For me, this is through daily dharma and meditation. But anything that allows you to shut out the external noise so you can tap into the wisdom of your body works. This will enable you to down-regulate so you can connect to your heart and make decisions and take actions from a place of love and truth.
Give yourself time. Before saying yes, take a day or two to sleep on it. When you've been conditioned to please people for years, it can take some time to drop into your own body to really know what you are feeling (instead of what you should feel and do). If it’s not a fuck yes, skip it.
Give yourself grace. I know that when I’m in a situation where I have to override my own boundaries to help others, I feel a sense of shame and anger wash over me. I get critical of myself, can lash out at others and start questioning my own judgment. Listen… you weren’t conditioned in a day so it will take some time to break cycles. Give yourself grace and own your fuck ups.
Baby breathe. Yes, sometimes, all you need is a deep breath. Or two. Inhale from your nose, take a deep belly breath. Hold it for a second and then exhale from your mouth. Repeat until you feel a sense of calmness and presence.
And remember, choosing yourself can feel like you are doing “the wrong thing” or “unnatural” because you’ve been so used to putting your own needs on the back burner.
So remind yourself that you are worthy, connect with your support system and do one thing a day that brings you pleasure & joy.
